A Friendly Musical Visit Every Day

I've been meaning to tell you this story for months. I promised to tell it to you weeks ago. So here we are, finally: the watermelon story. So, I'd just finished shopping at the little grocery store near my building. I was using a walker that day. I can wedge the shopping basket between the metal bars on either side while I shop, then pile my bags on the seat to get them home. That works unless I'm carrying anything really heavy. One time my partner tried using my walker to bring home three cases (36 cans) of Ensure, and he ended up slicing open his finger. Blood everywhere. But that's not the watermelon story. I interrupted myself. Let's start again. So, I'd just finished my shopping and I was coming out of the little grocery store with my bags piled up on my walker when I noticed that there was an older woman trying to fish a watermelon out of one of those huge cardboard containers they keep watermelon in outside the store. With zero luck. She, like me,...

My chronic illness was sparked by the onset of menopause (thank you very much, hormonal changes) and yet my mother is constantly saying to me: "I don't understand why you're so sick all the time. You were such a healthy baby." Yeah, you'd think that would have carried me all the way through life. Weird. I was listening to a Paralympian talking about proving to the world how much we (people with disabilities) can do. Because I became disabled in adulthood (well, midlife), I find it's the opposite with me: I feel like I have to somehow prove that I can no longer do things I could very easily do earlier in life. And I hate that feeling. And, realistically, it's not "the world" I need to prove this to. It's certainly not my doctors--they have been wonderfully supportive. Strangers at the grocery store and random people on the street are lovely and helpful, for the most part. The only people who challenge me are my closest family members. Main...

Sorry for taking off without letting you know what was going on. I didn't quite know what was going on, myself.  On the face of it, I just didn't feel like I had anything to share with you, music-wise. I'd been scrambling for songs, and that didn't suit the spirit of this here blog. But I think my health issues and mental health issues were actually weighing me down so badly I just wanted to hide. My brother had routine dental surgery that went wrong in a way I didn't even know it could go wrong, and he is suffering tremendously. He doesn't complain, but you can see it in a person's face (the sunken eyes, etc) when they are in terrible pain. I know because I see it in the mirror pretty much every day. I am worried about my brother, but I'm also worried about myself, because the thing that happened to him actually clarified one of the health issues I've been experiencing (we have some of the same medical problems) and now I am scared out of my mind. F...

Yesterday I told you about my partner's favourite number from the jazz festival. This one was mine. I'd never actually heard it before and had no idea it was a jazz standard (despite the fact that I listened to a jazz radio station for years). I had to do a bit of digging to find out who was the vocalist on this 1926 (yes, that's almost 100 years ago) track (her name is May Alix) and that led me down a slight rabbit hole, where I discovered that "butter and egg man" was 1920s slang for a big spender: a travelling salesman who spent his cash freely at nightclubs. At the jazz festival, various people were dancing to the Dixieland band--most notably, a man who looked (and dressed) exactly like Colonel Sanders. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  w...

My partner was telling me about Sam Cooke singing this song on Ed Sullivan and it immediately rising to the top of the charts. I love this song, but we've already listened to the original version , so today we've got an excellent cover. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list.  Click here to sign up:  http://eepurl.com/R4b11 See you soon! Giselle

I'm sitting here doing something I never in my life imagined myself doing. I'm drinking decaf. When I was younger, I used to wonder why decaf even existed. If you want coffee, just drink coffee! For real, dude! Now that I'm old(er) and chronically ill, I get decaf. I get it. Throughout my twenties and most of my thirties, I was addicted to coffee. If I didn't drink it, I got terrible headaches. I tried to quit on many occassions, but I just couldn't. Not even for a day. I'd be in so much pain from the withdrawal, so I'd go back. Coffee had me in its grips. As I approached 40, my heart started acting up. My sister insisted on taking me to the emergency room. There was nothing wrong with me, which felt even scarier than if there had been something wrong with me. Because if I was fine, why was I having heart palpitations? I quit cold turkey and it stuck. (My aunt later informed me that she had heart palpilations during perimenopause. At the time, I thoug...

My partner doesn't sing. But he sang this song to me the other night, and it was just the sweetest thing. He'd been talking about Mitch Miller and "follow the bouncing ball" singalongs that his parents--both vocalists--loved, and I was asking what kind of songs his parents liked, and he mentioned this one. I thought I'd come here and tell you, but of course I forgot what the song was five seconds later, so I asked my partner, "What was that song you just mentioned?" And instead of just reciting the lyrics, as he'd done before, he sang to me.  He doesn't like his singing voice, and he's very shy about sharing it--even with me, even though I sing at him constantly--so when he does sing, I feel like he's sharing a very special part of himself. So sweet.  If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your lo...

I heard this song on a TV show and it made me very emotional. My partner accompanied me to a medical appointment last week. It was the first time he'd done that. It was the first time anyone had. It was an appointment with a specialist, and it ended up lasting almost two hours. I knew I'd need his help taking notes, and also just remembering things. The chronic illness I have causes memory problems and cognitive impairments at times, and I can never predict when those times will be, exactly. So my partner came along (in fact he drove me there, which made me feel incredibly cared for. We usually take the subway to our medical appointments) and after the appointment he gave me chocolates he had bought for me in advance. I was so moved, and then I remembered the times I bought him teddy bears (he loves teddy bears) to give to him after his biopsies when his oncology team was trying to locate where, precisely, his cancer lived. I kept thanking him over and over, and he said I di...

I have a friend who is 18 years older than I am, so she knows all about aging. All the standard stuff I'm going through is stuff she's been through already. So when I complained that I can't even have a cup of tea before bed anymore because the caffeine keeps me up, she had the perfect solution: decaffeinated tea. She took me to her kitchen cupboard, pulled out a box of store brand decaf teabags, and started stuffing them in a ziplock bag for me to take home. As she did so, she said, "This tea is actually pretty good. Well, it's not too bad. Well, it's okay. Well, it's fine." I couldn't agree less. The tea she gave me was awful. But! I later bought myself a little thingy of Tetley's decaffeinated Earl Grey, and that tea is one I would wholeheartedly recommend. It actually tastes really and genuinely GOOD and it doesn't keep me up all night.  If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest t...

I often wonder whether other people hate themselves as much as I do. I certainly hope not. I wouldn't want the world to be as miserable as me. When I was self-isolating, I needed to order something medical for delivery. At this point, I hadn't left my apartment in a week and a half. I got an email from the delivery company saying they didn't drop off my purchase because I wasn't home. I cannot tell you how angry this made me. I was definitely home. I hadn't been anywhere but home in more than a week. I was enraged that they were telling me I wasn't home when I was. Nobody ever knocked on my door or anything. I am here! Give me my medicine! It got me wondering whether "normal" people find these little hiccups so infuriating. I get so mad about stuff that's not a super-big deal. I get madder than I should, and it makes me wish I were someone else. I'm so tired of being angry. I've been angry for decades. I need some peace. Maybe if I were...

I wasn't joking yesterday when I said YouTube keeps pitching me suggestive songs from the 30s. I kind of can't believe this is real. It's from 1931, apparently. "I stroke it every chance I get..." If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list.  Click here to sign up:  http://eepurl.com/R4b11 See you soon! Giselle

YouTube seems to have decided I only want to listen to suggestive songs from the 30s from now on. This one is from 1938. Like most things, it makes me think of menopause. My whole life, these days, is illness and menopause. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list.  Click here to sign up:  http://eepurl.com/R4b11 See you soon! Giselle

I've been falling down some fascinating YouTube rabbit holes lately, and landing on songs I've never heard of. Like this one. The line about "local weed" reminded me of my partner's best friend, who helps out people in her neighbourhood in small but meaningful ways. An old man she knows wanted to grow his own medicinal marijuana (it is legal to do so in our juristiction) but he lived in a small apartment with no balcony, and didn't think he could manage it. You know that old real estate rule about buying the worst house on the best street? That's my partner's best friend's house. It is tiny, but it's got a bit of a yard. So she offered to grow cannabis for this old man, and she did and it worked out just fine. Until the day she walked into her yard to find some fancy-ass woman pulling the plants up by their roots. She was like ummm who the hell are you and why are you destroying my garden? Turned out the fancy-ass woman was a real estate ...

This song is based on an Astor Piazzolla piece called Libertango. If you've read a novel I wrote called ANONYMOUS , you'll know that the music of Astor Piazzolla figures prominently toward the end. There's a scene at the symphony where the main character and her husband and the man they've welcomed into their home and their bed encounter... well, I'd be spoiling the story if I told you. Guess you'll just have to read the book for yourself to find out.  If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers...

The other morning my partner picked up the award-winning short story collection How to Pronounce Knife by Souvankham Thammavongsa . Later that afternoon, I noticed his bookmark was almost at the end of the book. By the time we went to bed, he'd finished reading it.  I think he must have like it? (Actually, I know he liked it because he told me so, but reading an entire book in a day is showing rather than telling, which is what we authors are supposed to do.)  If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail ...

When I went to bed last night, I was really looking forward to waking up this morning and getting to work on the book I'm writing. Yesterday, I outlined two and a half chapters--thorough outlines, so all I'd have to do today is flesh out the scenes. I couldn't wait to get started. And then I woke up with yet another migraine. That's every day this week. Today's was so bad, with so much pressure in one of my eyes, that I couldn't even look at my computer screen. I really want to work. Not for Capitalist reasons. I wasn't looking forward to making the big bucks. Let's be real: nothing I write earns me a ton of money. I guess what I should say is that I was looking forward to creating something. But that didn't happen, because my body is a trash pile. I look in the mirror, and the person looking back at me is old and sick. I still expect someone different. You'd think I'd be used to this new reflection, this new me, but I'm still expecting t...

My partner and I were just watching Land Girls (I've seen it before, but it's much more melodramatic than I remember) and there was a great Billie Holiday song playing in the background of one scene. It wasn't this song. I don't know what song it was. I convinced myself I would remember the lyrics, even though I never remember anything. Sure enough, I don't remember even a single word. But this is a good song, so let's listen to it! If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, an...

As I was falling asleep last night, I was eagerly looking forward to waking up this morning. I've got so much writing to do, and I wanted to do it. I should have known the stormy weather would have other plans for me. Rain and storms and changes in barometric pressure are my biggest migraine triggers. My doctor has got me on so many meds and supplements to try to prevent chronic migraines from ruining my life completely, and we've managed to reduce the severity of my pain somewhat, but the weather still knocks me on my ass more often than not. As my partner and I drove through a tremendous storm yesterday, I was feeling really tired and not-so-good, but I kept saying to him, "Normally, I would not be able to function with this kind of rain." Well, all I had to do was wait a day. The rain stuck around and I woke up with a migraine. It's almost noon and I've been in bed all morning. This is the first time I've been able to look at my computer. Sorry i...

There's so much I could write, in relation to this song, about caregiving and the worn-out feeling that comes with being needed too much and for too long.  I could write five thousand posts about times caregiving tasks have triggered a trauma response in me, because my busted limbic system is stuck in a time when I was neglected and parentified in childhood, when I couldn't be a proper kid because I had to take care of other people in a home that was not safe. But it's going to be exhausting, if I write all that, and I would much rather sit back and listen to this beautiful performance while rain and fall leaves pelt my window, and the sky looms ominous and grey over the neighbour's roofline.  I'd rather close my eyes for a while and disappear into this song. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Suppo...

Want to see anxiety in action? Well, look this way, because I'm having a full-day freak-out, over here. I can't remember if I was telling you this, or if I only told my newsletter subscribers, but my partner's health has been declining since he started testing NEGATIVE for Covid. So, basically, when he should have been getting better, he was actually getting worse. Yesterday, I wondered out loud if maybe he'd developed pneumonia. Later that day he talked to his sister-in-law (a retired nurse) on the phone. He didn't mention what I'd said, and, umprompted, she expressed concern that he might have pneumonia. She told him to see a medical professional right away. Last night, we called telehealth. He got a great nurse on the phone, and after he'd explained his symptoms, she told him to go to the emergency room. Immediately. Well, he didn't want to go right away and, considering I waited a week to go to the ER the last time I had chest pains, I was in no ...