A Friendly Musical Visit Every Day

Can't remember the last time I washed my hair, or bathed in any way for that matter. I splash water on my face in the morning, but that's it. Depression does this to me. I feel disgusting and I look disgusting, but the cashiers at my local grocery store are still so kind to me--even in this outwardly gross state--that I always leave the place with tears in my eyes. That's how much I appreciate their kindness. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list.  Cli

I've had this song in my head for days, except I didn't know it was this song. The only lyrics I could remember were: "My shadow's the only one that walks beside me." I couldn't place those lyrics with the rest of this song, or the rest of any song. Finally, I had to google them because it was bugging me so much. Not sure what planted this tune in my head, but I think it was this: I turned on the radio the other day and some annoying 90s song came on. I kept thinking it was going to turn into this song, but it didn't. I don't actually know what the annoying 90s song was either.  If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stu

This song gives me all the right 90s feels. Wow, does it take me back. It came to mind the other day when I woke my partner up in a fun way, and after we'd gotten out of bed I came up behind him to give him a fierce hug. He smelled like candy (and sex...) but that seemed odd because it was eight in the morning and he doesn't usually start his day off with a pack of Twizzlers. Then I realized I was smelling the Sesame Street Vitamin D gummies I'd bought off the clearance rack. We are big fans, but I think it's a tease that you can only eat one per day. They taste really good. There's a story in my Audrey and Lawrence collection that always comes to mind when I hear this song. I can't remember what it's called, but candy is featured prominently in the bedroom. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local libr

I was walking down the street where I live, on the way home from my local library, the summer sun blazing down on me, when a car stopped at a red light. It was blasting this song. Right at the chorus, too. This mundane occurence filled me with the feels, and I wasn't sure why. Then I looked down and realized I was wearing a dress I've owned since this song first came out. I've got the 90s all over me, baby--head to toe. Well, shoulders to toe. My dress didn't cover my head. And it occured to me that I feel like exactly the same person I was in 1994. Am I? Am I really? Will I always be the same little me? The more I change, the more I stay the same. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influence

I was in the car with my partner, browsing radio stations while we were stuck in traffic on the Don Valley, when this song came on a station I'd never heard of. I contentedly stopped searching and sat back, nodding my head to the music. Grunge is the reason I don't know how to dance. All I know how to do is nod. Before long, my partner commented that this song is very repetitive... which is true, I guess, but seeing as the early 90s was a formative time for me, Nirvana is pure nostalgia. I can't listen to it objectively. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I c

 The other day I walked by a girl who looked like Billie Eilish (quite deliberately, I'm sure) and it reminded me of myself in the early 90s, sporting my grunge look, thinking adults were embarrassingly prim.  As I passed this girl by, I realized I had on yoga pants and I looked like a mom.  Earlier that day, I'd noticed I'm developing a bit of a hump.   Why am I always so surprised that I'm not young anymore?  Every time I come to that realization (ie. multiple times daily), it's a shocker. How do thirty years go by in a snap? If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hope

 Things have been getting a little heavy around here, lately, with so much talk of death. Let's lighten the mood, shall we? This is the time of year when I bake a peach cobbler every single day. I'll eat some for breakfast, some in the afternoon, more in the evening, and then it's gone.  As I was baking the other day, I sang this song to my partner. Of course I did. When I asked him if he remembered the classic tune, of course he told me he did not. Not only does he not remember any music from the eighties--the nineties are lost on him, too.  This song came out when I was in high school, and it was weirdly popular. I've listened to it seven times since I started writing this post. Ah, nostalgia. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books

Yesterday I mentioned that I'm writing a book and reading a book. Well, I'm reading three books, but the one that's swept me off my feet--and the one I was referring to--is J oshua Whitehead's stellar novel JONNY APPLESEED . I've been meaning to read this book since it came out. Not sure what's taken me so long, but maybe whenever you end up reading a book is the right time for you to read that book. Not sure if I've ever mentioned this here, but I always read physical books. Like, books printed on paper and bound up, just like in the olden days. I never read on a screen when I'm reading for pleasure, because reading off a screen feels like work. Except times are weird right now, so I decided I would try reading JONNY APPLESEED on my phone. What I've learned from Joshua Whitehead's book is that, if the narrative is powerful enough, it can distract you from the medium. This morning, I was sitting in the kitchen, reading this book on m

You've probably noticed by now that I'm a big fan of Devi McCallion and Ada Rook. Together, they make up Black Dresses--and they've just released a new album called Peaceful as Hell . Believe it or not, I haven't listened to it yet. I've actually been writing a book lately. And reading a book.  Those two activities are taking up a lot of my time. I used to have music on all the time, even while I was working, and I thought music helped me to work. But, you know, my partner likes QUIET when he's concentrating on stuff, so I guess I've gotten used to the sound of silence. The other day, I put on my headphones to listen to stuff while I was writing, and I found that I could no longer do two things at once.  I couldn't listen and write. It had to be one or the other. Which is kind of annoying. But I guess, this way, I listen better and write better.  Hope so. Anyway, this song is from Peaceful as Hell .   Buy your copy at Bandcamp . If you're

I'm currently reading the book Little Fish by Casey Plett , and it is phenomenal. It's one of those books that is clearly written for other trans women. It doesn't explain itself. It doesn't need to. If you get it, good. If you don't, oh well.  Books that "explain" trans-ness are so boring. I should know--I've written like 40 of them. heh. At one point, the main character (Wendy) is standing in the cold, waiting for a taxi, and listening to this song over and over. I must admit, I'm not a Hole aficionado, so I had to look it up. I'm glad I did. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hu

Yesterday I mentioned a mix tape I made for someone else. Today I'm thinking about a mix tape someone else made me. Cleaning out my mother's hoarder basement, I came across a tape a friend of mine made me in the early 90s. It was primarily Cranberries music. No, scratch that. It was completely Cranberries music. Scratch that--it was just a Cranberries tape that he'd re-taped onto a blank cassette. As far as mix tapes go, it wasn't the best I've ever received--not that there's been stiff competition. I only ever received two, as far as I can remember. Not that I don't like The Cranberries! Only, if you're going to make a mix tape, you need to mix it up a little. RIP Dolores O'Riordan If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction

This song is from the new album LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR STUPID LITTLE BITCHES, which you should definitely buy right this second , or at least listen to it a bunch of time and then buy it . I mean, if you like your music loud and scream-y. Which I do, in case I haven't made that abundantly clear. And, possibly, I haven't. The other day I was complaining to my partner about how my mother has been calling me "loud" all my life--chastising me for it, even now that I'm like 40. My partner said, "That's so strange. I don't think of you as loud." Suggestively (or so I thought), I replied, "Well, I can be loud sometimes..." He clearly did not catch the suggestiveness of that statement, because he immediately said, "That's true--when you're angry." I meant in bed, but yeah, loud when angry, can't argue with that. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the e

I think I've mentioned that, in an effort to feel more connected to lunar cycles, I do a simple 1-card tarot reader for the New Moon and the Full Moon. This past New Moon, I pulled the Nine of Cups, which is a beautifully encouraging card. It's a wish card. All my dreams are about to come true! All I have to do is open myself to the abundance I'm right on the brink of receiving. So right away I'm like: how can I fuck this up? I'll do whatever it takes. I'll go to any lengths to screw up my one chance at happiness. I know what I'm wishing for, but the future I want seems too good for me. I've never had a happily ever after before. Why should I get one now?  What have I ever done to deserve this? Why can't I just shut up and let the good thing happen? Why do I try so hard to ruin everything? If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the

I wrote a whole blog post about this song a few years ago, so I'm just going to repost it here. It's very thorough, as you'll see: I started hearing this song on the radio a couple months back--"Only Happy When It Rains." I kept thinking how much I enjoyed it. The lyrics spoke to me and I liked the sound. Last Friday, by chance, I caught a concert of indie and alternative rock on PBS. One of the bands performing was called Garbage. That's how I found out who'd been singing that song on the radio: Garbage. That's how I found out when this song came out: 1995. I was in high school in 1995. If I could go back, I'd spend my teen years listening to grunge and punk and... I don't know. I still don't know what's cool. When I was a high school student I listened to a classical radio station and Broadway musicals. My best friend in Grade Nine loved Iggy Pop. I should have followed her lead. Anyway, doesn't matter. I can't go ba

Yesterday we listened to a Tiffany tune from the 80s and compared teen singers past and present. The first time I heard a Billie Eilish track I thought "Where have you been all my life?" Then I found out her age and thought "Oh, you weren't alive for most of my life." Young artists are creating some really incredible music these days. When this particular song came on the radio, I'd been binge-watching the zany Irish sitcom Father Ted for weeks on end. It caught my ear because it reminded me of the song the DJ priest plays over and over in the raffle/car episode. I'll be bringing you that song tomorrow so you can compare the two. They're nothing alike, but maybe you'll hear what I hear. For today, enjoy Billie Eilish and bask in the grungy glory of today's youth. From the album WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? which is available on vinyl and a variety of other formats . If you're wondering how you can support me in

Did you know that a 20th Anniversary Remaster of In Utero came out in 2013? Does that make you feel old at all? No? Good for you! Everything makes me feel old! Except... some things make me feel happy. And then I think I'm dumb. Well, not "dumb," because that's a word I've consciously excised from my vocabulary, but there's something about being a cynic and a pessimist and chronically depressed that somehow convinces you that only stupid people can be happy. I know, when I investigate that thought, it isn't true. I believe it's possible for anyone to be happy. And yet, any time I find myself feeling hopeful about the future, I then find myself wondering what I'm missing. I'm being naive. I'm being silly. The future can't possibly be as bright as it seems. If there's light at the end of the tunnel, it's got to be a train. Gosh, it would be great if happiness came to me with no strings attached. Here I go again, push