#SongoftheDay The Drugs (Mother Mother)
I had this really odd experience, the other day, of opening a drawer in our bathroom and feeling like I'd walked into the wrong house.
The drawer was full of drugs--pharmaceuticals.
Prescriptions.
My prescriptions.
But when I first saw that this drawer was full of drugs I thought the drawer must belong to someone else. How could I have so many drugs? Like... so, so many drugs?
Last month I was talking to a girl who has the same chronic illness I do. She was saying one of the things she hates the most about it is having to be her own doctor, always on the job, always deciding how she needed to medicate herself at every hour of the day. I knew exactly what she meant. Of course, I have a doctor who has prescribed me pills, but she's not constantly at my side. She's not constantly asking me what my symptoms are, currently, and gauging what to do about it.
I'm the one who is with me constantly. I'm the one making those decisions: this symptom means take this drug, etc.
I don't think I'm adequately communicating how exhausting it is to live this way. Especially considering I'm making important health decisions when I'm practically incapacitated. This is why I fantasize about being admitted to hospital: so other people can take care of me, and make those decisions when they need to be made. So I can just rest and be medicated and not have to be my own doctor, because a doctor is being my doctor.
If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.
Last month I was talking to a girl who has the same chronic illness I do. She was saying one of the things she hates the most about it is having to be her own doctor, always on the job, always deciding how she needed to medicate herself at every hour of the day. I knew exactly what she meant. Of course, I have a doctor who has prescribed me pills, but she's not constantly at my side. She's not constantly asking me what my symptoms are, currently, and gauging what to do about it.
I'm the one who is with me constantly. I'm the one making those decisions: this symptom means take this drug, etc.
I don't think I'm adequately communicating how exhausting it is to live this way. Especially considering I'm making important health decisions when I'm practically incapacitated. This is why I fantasize about being admitted to hospital: so other people can take care of me, and make those decisions when they need to be made. So I can just rest and be medicated and not have to be my own doctor, because a doctor is being my doctor.
If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.
Supporting my AudioErotica endeavour on Patreon would also help me hugely.
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See you soon!
Giselle