#SongoftheDay Sexual Healing (Marvin Gaye)

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Yesterday I was telling you about recording the audio version of my little book Brand New Sexy Surprises. Well, I just got to a story called "Us and Our" that, when I wrote it, I felt was the best short story I'd penned in my entire life. 

At the time I wrote it, I was just beginning to realize that PTSD and Complex PTSD were running my life. I couldn't believe all these facets of my personality that I (and the people who know me) had considered horrible character flaws for decades were textbooks trauma symptoms. 

I started to feel like I didn't even have a personality of my own--I was just a big, bouncing ball of trauma. It was actually pretty devastating, because I hated myself. I hated that I couldn't seem to leave the house without getting into an altercation with a stranger on the street. I didn't feel I could control my behaviour adequately, so I didn't leave my apartment most days. It was the only way I felt I could protect the world from me, and protect me from having screaming matches that left me feeling crazy, awful, and like I didn't deserve to live on this planet.

How that became the basis for a sex story, I'm not really sure. I guess I was starting to feel like what I really needed was a sense of security with another human. Until that point, I'd only really felt safe with my cats. But feeling safe with another person for the first time in my life has helped me more than anything else I can think of. 

I'm often amazed my partner stuck around, because I put him through the wringer for a while. Sometimes I still do. I didn't mean to then, and I don't mean to now--although, I'm getting better at identifying when I'm reacting to something that's happening in the here-and-now, and when I might be flashing back to trauma. 

I'll tell you this much: PTSD doesn't make life easy for anyone involved.


If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library. 

Supporting my AudioErotica endeavour on Patreon would also help me hugely.

I'm also an Amazon Influencer, so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through my affiliate links.

I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list. 

Click here to sign up: http://eepurl.com/R4b11


See you soon!
Giselle


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