#SongoftheDay Falling Short (Ahya Simone)

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Yesterday was a long hospital day with my partner. Though the news was good (radiation appears to have obliterated his cancer), as soon as his oncologist left the room, my partner and I both burst into tears. It wasn't a sad cry, but it wasn't a happy cry. We couldn't figure out what it was. A shared release of pent-up emotions, I guess. 

Maybe it was relief, but relief doesn't usually feel so tentative.

One of the many things I never realized about cancer is that the fall-out from treatment goes on and on for months and possibly years. The new thing we were worried about was swelling in my partner's neck and lymph nodes. It looks really bad, but his medical team assured us they expect to see this. It's common, and the degree of his edema is actually not too bad. They see far worse in their clinic. 

So that was reassuring, but we also left with a list of 8 types of lymphatic massage to do every day. That's in addition to the new physiotherapy exercises that were recommended to him.

I've mentioned many times before that my partner still has pain and sensitivity in his mouth. It hurts so much he hasn't been able to use toothpaste in months. Even the slightest mintiness causes him excruciating pain. And then there's the extreme fatigue. I've told you about all these symptoms, so I won't rehash them today. The point is that I had no idea how long symptoms could persist post-treatment. He probably won't see a change in taste until the 6-8 month mark. (You may recall that radiation obliterated his ability to taste food, which made eating into a pleasureless chore, in addition to being so painful that many patients receiving this type of radiation have a food tube put in so nutrients can be delivered directly to the stomach.)

My partner complained to me that he feels like his entire life is just doing all these exercises to try to get back to "normal." I assured him that I feel the same way, with my chronic illness. Life never feels good anymore. Every day is a struggle to reach a baseline, and even that baseline looks like Everest, from where we're standing. 

If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library. 

Supporting my AudioErotica endeavour on Patreon would also help me hugely.

I'm also an Amazon Influencer, so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through my affiliate links.

I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list. 

Click here to sign up: http://eepurl.com/R4b11


See you soon!
Giselle


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