#SongoftheDay Everyday is a Winding Road (Sheryl Crow)

I did two loads of laundry yesterday. I am incredibly proud of myself.

One big lesson chronic illness has taught me is that I have to do what I can do while I can do it. I've come to terms with the fact that I have shallow reserves of energy and strength. Most days, I experience too much pain to do any heavy lifting, and that includes laundry.

When I'm at my partner's house, it's different. First of all, he has a washing machine inside his house. Second of all, he does the laundry. So that makes it extra easy for me.

At my apartment, I let dirty clothes build up into Laundry Mountain, and it's hard to move a mountain.

Many things that are easy for most people are no longer easy for me. When I think back on the times when I worked in a warehouse and did other very physical labour, I feel like I'm looking at another life, or another person's life. I used to be strong! I'm a tiny little genderqueer individual, and I always felt like I needed to prove myself when I was younger. I proved myself by being strong: by lifting heavy objects and arm-wrestling and punching dudes (with their permission, always).

Now I'm a little weakling who can't even lift a laundry basket.

Except when I can.

Yesterday I had more strength and energy than usual. I could lift the laundry basket all by myself. It was thrilling.

I know I need to take advantage of these moments, because they never last. Just because I have some strength this morning doesn't mean I'll have it in the afternoon. I can't make plans--or, I can make plans, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to follow through. All I can do is what I can do when I can do it.

The next lesson I need to learn is to NOT do what I CAN'T do while I CAN'T do it. For someone who forces themself to work seven days a week, this is a big pill, but the work I do when I'm in severe pain is severely sub-par. It would be better for everyone if I just rested for a while.


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See you soon!
Giselle


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