#SongoftheDay Bad Company (Purple Disco Machine)

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Yesterday I promised to outline how my perfect guest would behave when visiting my partner (who has cancer) and me (his caregiver, living with chronic illness). And I know these wonderful people do exist, because a few of my mom's sisters are like this (my mother also has cancer) and many of my mom's friends are, too. 

If only my partner's friends showed us this level of kindness, care, and respect.

Ah, but a queer can dream...

The perfect guest would reach out to ask if we were up for a visit, and if that's something we would enjoy at this point. My partner would enjoy a visit (and I might tolerate one), so yes, okay, thanks--that would be nice. 

The perfect guest would, of course, let us set the date and show up on time.

But before showing up, a perfect guest would tell us, "I will bring everything we're going to eat, so don't even think of lifting a finger." They would ask about dietary restrictions. In my partner's case, he could only eat soft foods and liquids due to the side effects of radiation. The perfect guest would be interested to hear about these food restrictions, and suggest snacks or a meal that they might bring, asking if these suggestions would be appropriate and wanted.

Yes! Thank you for offering us food my partner is able to eat, and for lightening my load as a caregiver. Thank you!

The perfect guest would assure us they would even pick up coffee on the way, or make the tea when they arrived at our house, because they would not want to put us out in any way.

And they'd add that I don't need to worry about cleaning the house before they arrived. They're not afraid of dust, and they've seen a dirty bathroom before. They would assure me that I don't need to get the house spic and span for their arrival, because they know I've got enough on my plate, and they know how much work it is, and how hard I'm trying.

I'd be crying by this point. I'm crying as I type this.

The perfect guest would arrive at the appointed time, and they would bring gifts for my partner and gifts for me. Family caregivers are so often forgotten and left out, even though we work unimaginably hard for few (if any) thanks and zero pay. 

This perfect guest would have brought us snacks or a meal (whatever was decided on beforehand) that they had prepared or purchased (I know not everyone can cook). The perfect guest would also have brought us meals like soups or casseroles--frozen, perhaps--to consume at a later date, because they understand how busy and exhausted we are, with so many long days spent at the hospital.

The perfect guest reads the room and can tell if their hosts are experiencing overwhelming fatigue. They know this visit is not The Perfect Guest Show. It's not all about them. They don't mind listening to stories about our health situation, because they understand that we've got nothing else on our plate right now. It's cancer, all day, everyday. Our whole life is cancer.

But we love our perfect guest, and we also want to hear amusing stories from their life.

Point is, the perfect guest doesn't overstay their welcome, and that could mean quite a short visit.

If I'd read this post before becoming a caregiver, I would be thinking how greedy I sound, and how much I expect. But you know what? Speaking as someone living with chronic illness and caring for someone with cancer, this is what we needed all summer and fall. 

Illness is depleting. It depletes your energy and your finances, and so much more. I truly wish people had brought us casseroles. I even asked people to bring us casseroles. Nobody did. I was desperate and exhausted and I needed help that I did not receive.

Sadly, we didn't get any perfect guests coming around. If we had, they would have been my angels. You have no idea what a huge difference the acknowledgement would have made for me, and the practical help with food and meals would have made for us. (A beyond-perfect guest would offer to clean our house, too! And if this sounds like I'm asking way too much, I used to do it for my grandmother all the time.)

I do want to mention that we have a pair of friends we truly love. They live 3-4 hours away, but they sent us a care package in the mail and we CRIED as we opened every gift.


If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library. 

Supporting my AudioErotica endeavour on Patreon would also help me hugely.

I'm also an Amazon Influencer, so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through my affiliate links.

I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list. 

Click here to sign up: http://eepurl.com/R4b11


See you soon!
Giselle


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