#SongoftheDay Tea for Two (Ella Fitzgerald)
When you spend many hours of your day on a hospital ward, you overhear a lot of conversations. The other week, I overheard one that made me feel not so alone, and I want to share it with you now.
The patient in the next bed had the same cancer as my partner. His wife was sitting with him. After a lengthy conversation with the nurse, the husband/patient mentioned to his wife/caregiver that some friends of theirs were supposed to visit later in the week.
The wife said, dejectedly, "Oh, we'll have to cancel that."
The husband waited a long moment and then said, "I think it's okay if they still come."
They were feeling each other out. The husband obviously wanted to see his friends. The wife did not have the energy for it. I know this because she said so later in the conversation. But before she got to there, she said, "The house is such a mess."
The husband said, "Yeah, we need to vacuum."
The wife said, "Yeah. WE need to vacuum." It was the only thing I ever heard her say that came off passive-aggressive, like even though her husband wasn't implying that she should be the one to vacuum, she knew that, with him being so ill, the vacuuming would fall on her, as would everything else.
Caregiving is exhausting in a way I couldn't hope to communicate. My partner's doctors tried to warn us how hard this process would be, but we didn't understand until we were in the thick of it. I'm not fully attuned to his experience of having cancer because I'm not feeling the pain he's going through. At the same time, I know he doesn't fully understand the emotional, psychological, and physical toll caregiving is taking on me.
When I overheard this couple's conversation, I felt seen even though we were behind those sheet walls they put up between hospital beds. My partner and I have been through this type of conversation, although ours ended somewhat differently. When I have the energy, I will rant to you about my partner's horrible friends. But that'll be another day, because I do not have the energy at the moment.
And that's what this caregiver wife at the hospital ultimately told her husband: beyond the messy house and all that, she just didn't have the energy to sit there and chit-chat with people. They'd had a tough week, medically, and I think she'd been worried her husband was going to die. He was on the mend but not out of the woods, and she didn't have it in her to make small talk with anybody.
So her husband acquiesced. I could hear in his voice how much he wanted to see his people. But, for his wife's sake, he agreed that they should cancel the visit, bless him.
If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.
I'm also an Amazon Influencer, so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through my affiliate links.
I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list.
Click here to sign up: http://eepurl.com/R4b11
See you soon!
Giselle
