#SongoftheDay Stayin' Alive (Bee Gees)

By

 I have been seriously struggling with PTSD lately. Flashbacks are frequent, and they draw me completely out of this world--or, at least, out of this time zone. 

Out of this time. 

Out of now. 

I want to be here, where it's safe and there's love, but instead I'm there and it feels so real. I don't even know I've left the here-and-now until I'm back, trying to shake off things I don't want to think about. 

Last week, my partner and I walked to the convenience store to buy milk. On our way there, we heard an alarm sounding. We weren't sure whether it was a car alarm or if it was coming from the business across the street. It was hard to pinpoint. 

On our way home, we could hear the alarm again. This time, we realized it was coming from a garbage bag at the end of someone's driveway. It was a smoke detector that wouldn't stop sounding.

It was garbage day, so I said to my partner, "I guess that alarm will just keep going until it gets crushed in the garbage truck." And then I realized that, though recycling and organics get picked up every week, garbage only gets picked up ever two weeks, and it wasn't garbage week.

So I said to my partner, "Wait, I guess that alarm will be going all week."

He said, "It'll run out of batteries before then."

My nervous system--broken by trauma--feels just like that busted smoke alarm in the garbage bag. I'm gravely concerned it's just going to keep screaming that something's wrong until the day I die. 


If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library. 

Supporting my AudioErotica endeavour on Patreon would also help me hugely.

I'm also an Amazon Influencer, so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through my affiliate links.

I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list. 

Click here to sign up: http://eepurl.com/R4b11


See you soon!
Giselle


Popular posts from this blog

#SongoftheDay Looks Like Meringue (John Scofield)

By
Image
So, look... I have a very bad habit of giving myself food poisoning. This almost always involves eggs. The first time I poisoned myself with eggs was after that big east coast blackout that happened in the early 2000s. 2003? I'm too lazy to look it up right now. If you lived through it you probably remember it because power was out for days, which is pretty unusual in major cities. Anyway, I had a carton of eggs in my fridge that was already 6 months expired and then it lived through this blackout. I can't say for sure why I ate those eggs, except that I was very poor and also stupid, but that was my first experience with egg-related food poisoning. A couple years ago I poisoned myself with homemade mayonnaise. This week I poisoned myself by eating raw meringue while making my partner a pie. He told me not to eat raw meringue, but by then it was too late.  The salmonella is a part of me now. It's been with me for days. If you're wondering how you can support me
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Ice Cream (Sarah McLachlan)

By
Image
For Easter, my partner gave me a chocolate bunny. But you know what else he gave me that's even better than chocolate? No, not that. Well, yes, that too, but that's not what I'm talking about. He bought me some of the supplements my doctor put me on. They're pretty expensive (to me--I don't know what qualifies as expensive to other people anymore) but once I started buying a better brand instead of store brand, I noticed a dramatic reduction in the frequency and severity of attacks (when my chronic illness flares up, it's called an "attack" in the literature--how's that for frightening?). So I'd been talking to my partner about how the better supplements really seem to be making a difference, but BOY are they ever pricy and, sure enough, he goes out and buys them for me as a gift. How's that for thoughtful? If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my book
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Self Control (Laura Branigan)

By
Image
A couple months ago I had a story in mind to tell you about this song, or a story that was somehow related to this song... but I didn't tell you the story at the time, and now I forget what the story was about. So we'll just listen to the song without the story, I guess. Doesn't it feel good to be watching a music video from the 80s, though? Okay, so maybe music videos weren't invented in the 80s, but I would go so far as to say music videos were perfected in the 80s. 80s music videos were so weird. I love that about them. They give me the feels deep down in my radio heart. In other news, I did once release a book of paranormal erotica called Creatures of the Night ... If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Bad Girls (Donna Summer)

By
Image
Every time I come across a music video made in the 70s it blows my mind. Until I stumbled upon that Bee Gees one I played recently, I truly believed music videos were invented in the 80s. So I'm wrong again. This video for Donna Summer's Bad Girls track is just... I don't even know what to say about it. Community theatre on diet pills? I don't even know. It's wild. I was thinking about this song because I recently put out a book called Bad Girls Sexy Surprises . Are my girls really bad or are they just complicated? Who's to say. Many of my characters are based on me, and many of their experiences (ie. sleeping with married men) are things I certainly did when I was younger.  But " Bad Girls " makes for a tantalizing title, and I'm trying to pay the rent, here. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from you
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay You Light Up My Life (Whitney Houston)

By
Image
Yesterday I told you a story about someone being awful to me.  Today I'm going to tell you a story about somebody being wonderful. The one story follows the other. They happened the same day. When I got back to my building after the incident I told you about yesterday, I was feeling pretty down on humanity. As I waited for the elevator, I met a young trans woman who had just moved in. She was so bubbly and bright that her mood instantly inspired me to feel a little more hopeful about life.  She helped me without being asked, because she could see that I was obviously a person who needed help. She did nice things in a totally natural way. That is a true talent. She was able to lend a hand in a way that made me feel elevated rather than belittled. Just totally casual about it, chatting away so as not to draw attention to the fact that she was assisting me.   I wanted to hug her and be her genderqueer mom and tell her she had renewed my faith in humankind, but that might have been w
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Asshole (Denis Leary)

By
Image
After days of not being able to leave the house due to migraines AND salmonella poisoning (what a combination...) I finally went out to buy a few groceries. I often use a walker to get around, and that was the case today.  On my way home, there was a snooty rich lady standing in the sidewalk so that I couldn't get by. I asked her if she could move and she didn't even look at me, just took the slightest half-step forward so she was still blocking my path. There was no way I could get by her with my walker. She also had a dog. Her dog was completely blocking my path. I asked her if she could move her dog and she didn't even acknowledge my existence. She did not move her dog.  It's always bothered me, being treated this way--being treated like I'm so inconsequential that I'm not even worth acknowledging--but I think it bothers me in a much deeper way when I'm using a mobility aid. Because I feel like... you've got no excuse, world. You look at me and you kn
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Rapper's Delight (The Sugarhill Gang)

By
Image
When we listened to Chic's "Good Times" yesterday, perhaps you started thinking about this track. Or maybe you're listening to Rapper's Delight today and thinking there's something familiar about the undercoating.  I learned the history of Rapper's Delight from a segment on Drunk History. My brain doesn't retain a lot of information these days, but I do recall that Chic sued (or threatened to sue?) The Sugarhill Gang over their use of the bass line from Good Times to underpin Rapper's Delight. Ultimately, they settled on sharing credit (or writing credit? My brain really does not work...) for this song. Before I saw that Drunk History segment, my partner and I were washing dishes and listening to the 70s at 7 on the radio. They played Rapper's Delight and I was like, "The station must have made a mistake. This song can't be from the 70s." But, sure enough, it is. 1979, to be exact. I guess the oldies station knows a thing or
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay If I Knew You Were Comin' I'd've Baked a Cake (Ethel Merman, Ray Bolger)

By
Image
 Not sure why this story just popped into my head, but a guy I once worked with told me about a temp they'd had at a different company he'd worked for. This was an older woman. She'd been hired to come in for a week to do some filing or whatever, and that was the gig. She was not a permanent employee.  But she kept coming back. Like the cat who came back... the very next day. And the day after that. And on and on. She wasn't coming into the office to work, though. This woman would come into this workplace, head straight to the kitchen, and make herself "a cuppa." That's what she called her tea. Then she'd settle in at a desk that didn't belong to anybody, and turn on the computer.  This was back in the early days of the internet, when a lot of people still didn't have web access from home. That was the case with this woman. So she'd go on the internet, and she'd pull up recipes (cake recipes, mainly) and print them off. All day. Every d
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay In the Year 2525 (Zager and Evans)

By
Image
Not too long ago, I was writing about PTSD and how it sucks me out of the present moment and into the past. Well, I also struggle with anxiety, which sucks me out of the present moment and into the future.  But here's the thing about the future: I don't actually know what's going to happen in it. In my vast experience of living with anxiety, I've found that very few of the things I worry my pretty little head about actually come to pass. Bad things do happen--they're just not the bad things I kept worrying would happen. I never worried my partner would get cancer. Neither of his parents had cancer. In fact, no one in his family has had cancer. Plus, my mother already had cancer. Like, why would my husband get cancer when my mother already has it? She's got cancer covered. There's no reason why he should get it too. I am not psychic. Far from it. Just because I am certain something bad is going to happen doesn't mean it will. But do you think I can convin
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay The Rosemary and Thyme Caprice (John Williams)

By
Image
I've been re-watching the British TV show Rosemary and Thyme again, even though I re-watched every episode a month ago. There are only three seasons, but I like repetition.  I always say the appeal of this show is the fantasy of having a friend and doing gardening and solving murders, but I re-watched the first episode last night (I don't usually watch the first episode--not sure why), and I realized that the biggest appeal of this show, for me, is probably the fantasy of making a new friend later in life.  The idea that I could meet someone new and form an instant bond and we could be besties and run a business together... it actually seems beyond impossible when I say it out loud. I find it so, so hard to make friends. But maybe that's why so many of us love this little show? I don't know. There's a lot to love about it. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for
Read More! »