#SongoftheDay Possession (Sarah McLachlan)

My partner often says to me, "You never get a day off." 

He means from being sick. 

And he's right: I can't remember the last time I had even one day when there wasn't something wrong with me. There's always something wrong with me. Usually it's to do with my chronic illness, but not always.

I feel super-crappy this morning. I didn't sleep well last night. As soon as I got into bed, my nose felt all stuffed up and I couldn't breathe. I'm very congested right now. This is a new way of feeling awful. It's not part of my usual routine. I usually feel awful within the set parameters outlined by my chronic illness, but this is different. Feels like a head cold, or sinus thingy, something along those lines.

Yesterday, my partner and I went for a walk. While we were out in the world, I thanked him for everything he does to take care of me and take care of the household while I'm ill. He, in turn, thanked me for everything I do to take care of him and take care of the household when he's ill.

We are mutual caregivers of each other. We both need help and, aside from our doctors and other medical people, we only have each other. We are both ill. We take turns caring for one another. If we're both too fatigued/in pain/otherwise ill to handle life, life just doesn't get handled. That's where we're at.

One thing I learned from being a caregiver is that it's thankless (unpaid) work. And a big reason it's thankless is that I spend a lot of time doing things for my partner that he's not even aware of me doing. So, during that same walk yesterday, I thanked my partner for doing all the things that I'm not even aware that he's doing. Because if I'm helping him in ways he doesn't know about, I'm sure he must be doing the same for me. 

The last thing I would ever want is for him to feel unappreciated, because I know how hard it is to take care of a sick person--I do it too. I want him to know that I think he's amazing. Even though it can be hard for me to see through the veil of my own pain much of the time, I know he's taking care of me, and I couldn't possibly love him more. 


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See you soon!
Giselle


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