#SongoftheDay Got To Be Real (Cheryl Lynn)
Yesterday I took out the recycling, and I was so proud of myself that my body was literally vibrating.
In fact, I didn't just take out one load of recycling. I took out two. That means I left my apartment TWICE. And, after three days of not leaving my apartment at all, taking the recycling all the way out to the dumpsters in the parking lot behind my building was a hugely big accomplishment.
My partner is visiting his sister, and when we're not together, I find it particularly difficult to leave my apartment. The longer I go without leaving the apartment, the harder it becomes to leave the apartment.
In fact, I didn't just take out one load of recycling. I took out two. That means I left my apartment TWICE. And, after three days of not leaving my apartment at all, taking the recycling all the way out to the dumpsters in the parking lot behind my building was a hugely big accomplishment.
My partner is visiting his sister, and when we're not together, I find it particularly difficult to leave my apartment. The longer I go without leaving the apartment, the harder it becomes to leave the apartment.
When I lived alone, it was not uncommon for a week to go by before I managed to force myself out. Back then, I did volunteer work once a week, so I had to go out at a certain time. Other people were relying on me. It was still difficult to negotiate with my anxiety, but I could do it because I'd made a promise and because the volunteer work changed people's lives.
The volunteer job disappeared when Covid hit. Caregiving for my partner throughout his cancer treatment and managing my own chronic illness have basically become my whole life, since then. Now I'm at the point where illness and anxiety seem to conspire against me, keeping me inside.
I use mobility aids on days when my physical condition would otherwise prevent me from leaving the house safely. They've given me back a degree of the freedom my illness has taken away, but I still have to get past the anxiety. Sometimes I think the anxiety is the bigger barrier of the two. Although, that's easy to say on a day when I'm not in horrible pain. Ask me again when I am. Because I do recall lying in my partner's bed last week, barely coping with the pain, and wishing I had a wheelchair so he could take me outside and push me around, and I could get some fresh air without expending any energy.
Although, in the wake of his cancer treatment, my partner no longer has the strength or capacity to do something like push a wheelchair. It was a pleasant thought, though, in the moment.
If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.
The volunteer job disappeared when Covid hit. Caregiving for my partner throughout his cancer treatment and managing my own chronic illness have basically become my whole life, since then. Now I'm at the point where illness and anxiety seem to conspire against me, keeping me inside.
I use mobility aids on days when my physical condition would otherwise prevent me from leaving the house safely. They've given me back a degree of the freedom my illness has taken away, but I still have to get past the anxiety. Sometimes I think the anxiety is the bigger barrier of the two. Although, that's easy to say on a day when I'm not in horrible pain. Ask me again when I am. Because I do recall lying in my partner's bed last week, barely coping with the pain, and wishing I had a wheelchair so he could take me outside and push me around, and I could get some fresh air without expending any energy.
Although, in the wake of his cancer treatment, my partner no longer has the strength or capacity to do something like push a wheelchair. It was a pleasant thought, though, in the moment.
If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.
Supporting my AudioErotica endeavour on Patreon would also help me hugely.
I'm also an Amazon Influencer, so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through my affiliate links.
I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list.
Click here to sign up: http://eepurl.com/R4b11
See you soon!
Giselle
