#SongoftheDay Hide and Seek (Imogen Heap)

By

While we were checking out my partner's new house, back when he bought it in 2021, I found a closet that seemed like it would be good to hide in. When I said so to my partner, he replied that he doubted we would be playing hide-and-seek. I told him I just like hiding sometimes and he got sad. He remembers my story of finding my mother hiding from my father in a closet when I was a child. I joined her and we hid there together for an entire afternoon. It's the only thing I remember ever doing, just the two of us, throughout my entire childhood.

It upsets my partner when I hide because he thinks I'm hiding from him. I'm not. He is not an abusive man. He is very kind and caring. 

I hide sometimes because my PTSD is triggered, and he always thinks it's his fault somehow. It's not. The last time I hid, I'd been lying on the bed watching stuff on YouTube when I realized I was hungry and cold and I hadn't moved for a while. All those feelings in my body took me back to childhood, to times when I actually was hiding in a closet out of fear--when I was hungry and cold but didn't want to move because it felt dangerous to draw attention to myself. 

Memories live inside my body. I tell my partner all the time that my trauma reactions are not his fault, but he always blames himself. 


If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library. 

Supporting my AudioErotica endeavour on Patreon would also help me hugely.

I'm also an Amazon Influencer, so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through my affiliate links.

I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list. 

Click here to sign up: http://eepurl.com/R4b11


See you soon!
Giselle


Popular posts from this blog

#SongoftheDay Looks Like Meringue (John Scofield)

By
Image
So, look... I have a very bad habit of giving myself food poisoning. This almost always involves eggs. The first time I poisoned myself with eggs was after that big east coast blackout that happened in the early 2000s. 2003? I'm too lazy to look it up right now. If you lived through it you probably remember it because power was out for days, which is pretty unusual in major cities. Anyway, I had a carton of eggs in my fridge that was already 6 months expired and then it lived through this blackout. I can't say for sure why I ate those eggs, except that I was very poor and also stupid, but that was my first experience with egg-related food poisoning. A couple years ago I poisoned myself with homemade mayonnaise. This week I poisoned myself by eating raw meringue while making my partner a pie. He told me not to eat raw meringue, but by then it was too late.  The salmonella is a part of me now. It's been with me for days. If you're wondering how you can support me
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Self Control (Laura Branigan)

By
Image
A couple months ago I had a story in mind to tell you about this song, or a story that was somehow related to this song... but I didn't tell you the story at the time, and now I forget what the story was about. So we'll just listen to the song without the story, I guess. Doesn't it feel good to be watching a music video from the 80s, though? Okay, so maybe music videos weren't invented in the 80s, but I would go so far as to say music videos were perfected in the 80s. 80s music videos were so weird. I love that about them. They give me the feels deep down in my radio heart. In other news, I did once release a book of paranormal erotica called Creatures of the Night ... If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Asshole (Denis Leary)

By
Image
After days of not being able to leave the house due to migraines AND salmonella poisoning (what a combination...) I finally went out to buy a few groceries. I often use a walker to get around, and that was the case today.  On my way home, there was a snooty rich lady standing in the sidewalk so that I couldn't get by. I asked her if she could move and she didn't even look at me, just took the slightest half-step forward so she was still blocking my path. There was no way I could get by her with my walker. She also had a dog. Her dog was completely blocking my path. I asked her if she could move her dog and she didn't even acknowledge my existence. She did not move her dog.  It's always bothered me, being treated this way--being treated like I'm so inconsequential that I'm not even worth acknowledging--but I think it bothers me in a much deeper way when I'm using a mobility aid. Because I feel like... you've got no excuse, world. You look at me and you kn
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay You Light Up My Life (Whitney Houston)

By
Image
Yesterday I told you a story about someone being awful to me.  Today I'm going to tell you a story about somebody being wonderful. The one story follows the other. They happened the same day. When I got back to my building after the incident I told you about yesterday, I was feeling pretty down on humanity. As I waited for the elevator, I met a young trans woman who had just moved in. She was so bubbly and bright that her mood instantly inspired me to feel a little more hopeful about life.  She helped me without being asked, because she could see that I was obviously a person who needed help. She did nice things in a totally natural way. That is a true talent. She was able to lend a hand in a way that made me feel elevated rather than belittled. Just totally casual about it, chatting away so as not to draw attention to the fact that she was assisting me.   I wanted to hug her and be her genderqueer mom and tell her she had renewed my faith in humankind, but that might have been w
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay In the Year 2525 (Zager and Evans)

By
Image
Not too long ago, I was writing about PTSD and how it sucks me out of the present moment and into the past. Well, I also struggle with anxiety, which sucks me out of the present moment and into the future.  But here's the thing about the future: I don't actually know what's going to happen in it. In my vast experience of living with anxiety, I've found that very few of the things I worry my pretty little head about actually come to pass. Bad things do happen--they're just not the bad things I kept worrying would happen. I never worried my partner would get cancer. Neither of his parents had cancer. In fact, no one in his family has had cancer. Plus, my mother already had cancer. Like, why would my husband get cancer when my mother already has it? She's got cancer covered. There's no reason why he should get it too. I am not psychic. Far from it. Just because I am certain something bad is going to happen doesn't mean it will. But do you think I can convin
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay The Rosemary and Thyme Caprice (John Williams)

By
Image
I've been re-watching the British TV show Rosemary and Thyme again, even though I re-watched every episode a month ago. There are only three seasons, but I like repetition.  I always say the appeal of this show is the fantasy of having a friend and doing gardening and solving murders, but I re-watched the first episode last night (I don't usually watch the first episode--not sure why), and I realized that the biggest appeal of this show, for me, is probably the fantasy of making a new friend later in life.  The idea that I could meet someone new and form an instant bond and we could be besties and run a business together... it actually seems beyond impossible when I say it out loud. I find it so, so hard to make friends. But maybe that's why so many of us love this little show? I don't know. There's a lot to love about it. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Julie Christie (Lorraine Bowen)

By
Image
Listening to Ice Cream yesterday and mentioning the words "better than chocolate" made me think, of course, of the 1999 Canadian lesbian rom-com Better Than Chocolate. I saw that film pretty soon after it was released. It blew my queer young adult mind. Not because the movie was about lesbians--I'd seen movies that had lesbians in them before--but because it was a movie with lesbians in it that wasn't sad and tortured.  The other movies I'd seem with lesbians in them had been FILMS. Cinema. This was a movie. Practically a flick. It was a comedy. To be honest with you, I didn't really like it. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it. But that made sense because I've never been a rom-com fan. It's just not my genre. I loved that the movie existed, though. I loved that people had brought this movie that I didn't even really like into the world. I have no idea whether Better Than Chocolate made a ripple worldwide. Canadian content often doesn&#
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Daddy Cool (Boney M)

By
Image
YouTube now seems to be working overtime to prove to me that music videos existed in the 70s.  Okay, I admit it: I was wrong when I said music videos were invented in the 80s. Clearly they existed in the disco era. This Boney M video was made in 1976, from what I gather. I'll give them this: they found a location they liked and they stuck with it. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list.  Click here to sign up:  http://eepurl.com/R4b11 See you soon! Giselle
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Goin' Through Changes (Denise LaSalle)

By
Image
I thought for sure this song was going to be about menopause. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and anecdotes, the easiest thing you can do is buy my books (most are for adults only!) or check them out from your local library.  Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely. I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . I also recommend subscribing to my newsletter. I generally e-mail subscribers with a weekly update, and I would LOVE to have you on the list.  Click here to sign up:  http://eepurl.com/R4b11 See you soon! Giselle
Read More! »

#SongoftheDay Postman's Knock (The Albion Band)

By
Image
Yesterday I was telling you about stamp collecting. The reason my partner and I were talking about stamps in the first place is that a friend of his used to collect toy cars. This friend recently sold his entire toy car collection and decided he was going to collect stamps instead. My partner and I were talking about collections and collecting, and it occured to me that there's nothing I collect and there's nothing I feel inclined to collect. I enjoy that other people have fun collecting things. I'm not anti-collecting. But for me, having grown up in a hoarder home, the idea of collecting is kind of mashed up with accumulating. I know there's a difference, but I have a compulsion to get rid of things rather than keep them. But, you know, if I HAD TO collect something... I mean, stamps are small. They don't take up much room. Although, having said that, I bet there are stamp collectors with rooms full of stamps. If you're wondering how you can support me
Read More! »