A Friendly Musical Visit Every Day

C'est l'halloween! So I bring you a song I grew up with. I figured it existed forever, but turns out it was only written in 1981. So I guess it was actually a new song when I learned it. Another childhood Halloween memory: My class was scheduled to attend an outdoor learning sleep-away camp, which had a reputation for being the best camp ever, and we felt very lucky that we were going... except we were booked in for late October... which meant we'd be there for Halloween! There was a costume party, and I think we trick-or-treated by finding camp counsellors who'd installed themselves in the woods, but imagine the candy we missed out on!  All these years later, I mourn the possibilities. I dressed as a skunk, because I loved skunks--owing to the film Bach et Bottine, about a young girl who goes to live with her uncle (the plot of every French film ever made) and brings along a whole menagerie, including a skunk. I made the tail by bending a coat hanger, stretchin

Perhaps you've noticed that Halloween is upon us? There's no trick-or-treating in my building, so I usually spend Halloween walking around the neighbourhood, admiring kids (and adults) in costume. But there WILL be trick-or-treating at my partner's new place, so I'm going there to do shell-out (such a grandma term, I know, but I can't think of another word for it). Maybe I should dress up. As what?  I don't have any costumes--except my naughty nurse outfit, but I don't think that's appropriate. I'll have to see what I can pull together by tomorrow. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hu

I fell down a Cab Calloway rabbit hole and landed on this short film from the 30s, which actually contains more than one song, so lucky you! I'm not clear whether it's an ad for radios or what. It seems to imply that if you purchase a radio for your wife, she'll end up cheating on you with Cab Calloway. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . But you don't HAVE to do any of that. I'm very happy to get a daily visit from you, so just keep coming back. Oh, a

The strangest thing has been happening lately: I've been losing time. Not having blackouts or anything--I'm talking about clocks. Watches. Really any device that tells you the hour of the day. It all started on a pretty important day. I had to meet my partner in the morning to deal with a life-changing event. I set the alarm on my tablet, but I also had my phone charging on the night table. I woke up before my alarm, looked at my phone for the time, and got out of bed--which is incredibly lucky because, when I checked the time on my tablet, it had lost 2 hours. How does that happen? It was 8:15 in the morning and my tablet said 6:20. I restarted it, and it changed its mind. Yes, it was 8:15. So I got on the subway and I kept checking the little clock thing I've got hooked onto my purse (for when I forget to wear my watch) and I thought I was making good time. When I met my partner, he was very flustered. It was only later that I realized my little purse clock was lo

My partner is currently reading my copy of Margaret Laurence's The Diviners . I read that book twenty years ago, so there's very little I remember about it. I just flipped through it quickly, spotted the name Morag, and immediately thought of Smith & Smith Comedy Mill.  I think that's what the show was called.  Actually, I think it changed names.  It was a Canadian sketch/variety show hosted by a married couple. I'm pretty sure the wife was Morag. I could be wrong about any or all of my reminiscences, but I seem to recall them closing out every episode by singing this song. I'm not sure why, but it's stuck with me all these years. I guess it's just a promising sentiment. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books

You left your semen in my bed? I think I must have misheard that line. Twenty years ago, I had a job in a high school library. There, I came across a book of mondegreens --misheard song lyrics. I remember I'd just had a fight with my person when I came across it. I was in the worst mood, but I started reading this stupid collection of lines like "Hold me closer, Tony Danza," and I couldn't stop laughing.  I couldn't help it. Feels so good to laugh when you're in a crappy mood. This song is currently in my head because last night my partner said he'd probably be out of the house early this morning and my response was, "Wake me up before you go-go." It's been an emotional few days for him, but he burst out laughing when I said that. Also feels good to make someone laugh when they're in a crappy mood. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell

I've been treating you to a damn lot of July Talk lately, because I listen to their Touch album all the time and every song is the best song (while I'm listening to it). These lyrics, though: Now I know how it feels to fall in love And I know it feels like falling apart You know you're going through some shit when you're walking by your partner, casually singing those lines in his direction. I think we both know how it feels. I recommend this album so highly.  It really speaks to me. Vinyl is available . If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I

My mama never said anything of the sort. My mother married at 18. My grandmother married at 16. Neither remarried after their husbands died. Try being 40 and single in a family like that. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! I'm also an  Amazon Influencer,  so hopefully I can make a little pocket change when you buy stuff by clicking through  my affiliate links . But you don't HAVE to do any of that. I'm very happy to get a daily visit from you, so just keep coming back. Oh, and I also recommend hitting the "Subscribe" button at the top of the page so you won't miss a song! See y

In my mind, yesterday's song (Please Mr. Postman) is paired with this one, and this one reminds me of a summer 20 years ago, when I was in love with a married man. We weren't in a "relationship" at this point, but there was something going on inside us. That summer, he went to the cottage with his family, but he told me he would write. He did. He sent me a letter I probably still have somewhere. I think it was 17 pages (handwritten, double-sided), but it left me dissatisfied because it was all just information--words, words, words. I wanted emotion. I wanted him to tell me he was in love with me. We weren't there yet. At the end of that letter, he said he'd write again. So I checked the mailbox every day.  Weeks went by. No letter. I got so desperate and agitated I started checking my neighbours' mailboxes. Just in case. But that second letter never arrived. It didn't exist. He never wrote it. If you're wondering how you can support me i

I spent Sunday afternoon listening to doo-wop music with my partner. This is one of my many, many favourites--it's the first that comes to mind when I think doo-wop. Spending time together still feels magical, to me, even though there's a lot of emotion at the moment. Maybe the time feels magical because the (negative) emotions aren't mine (finally!). The more support my partner needs, the more I feel able to rise to the occasion and be that supportive, compassionate person I never thought I could be. Sunday was amazing. A major shitstorm happened last week, and Sunday was the first day my partner wasn't breaking down in tears. We went for a lovely walk, came home, I got some work done while he did the crossword, and we listened to doo-wop music. Just like a Sunday in the movies. It still feels like fairy gold. Life can't possibly feel this good forever. I'm just waiting for everything to fall apart and my life to revert to its former misery. I'll neve

This song popped into my head in the shower. I was thinking about trust issues (mine) and about how hard it is to trust anyone if you've been in any kind of relationship where the other person gets around being honest with a lot of fancy footwork. Could be any type of relationship--not just romantic relationships. If you grew up with a parent who was a master manipulator (as I did), or you have/had a friend, boss, coworker, anyone who reframed reality to make you feel like you didn't deserve or understand the truth, it will always be hard to feel safe with another person. No wonder I've been alone so long. I really hope I don't allow my trust issues to destroy the most promising relationship I've ever been in. I don't know how to feel secure when I assume someone is keeping information from me. It's like denying you're in denial: is it ever really possible to believe someone is being totally open with you when you hold onto an underlying assumption

My personal life has been turned upside-down--in a good way, longterm, but at the moment things are VERY messy. My partner's going through some shit. Times like this I'm glad I have training in Active Listening, because those skills come in handy when someone close to you is having a lot of emotions and you need to listen but also depersonalize what they're saying so you can support them better. In all our messiness, we enjoyed a night at the opera. It really was a bright spot. We went out and the crying stopped. I saw my partner laugh for the first time since some bad shit went down. The opera wasn't a comedy--it was Turandot, and not even a stellar production (too arty, I'd say, though beautifully sung), but getting out in the world helped us both through a tough time. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly

After mentioning Cyndi Lauper in my post yesterday, it only makes sense to share with you my favourite song of 1983. I have a very clear memory of being inside the prison face of Officer Big Mac at the Cliffside McDonald's in Scarborough, Ontario (I think it's a Starbucks now?) and my mother telling it was time to go home. My response? "Girls just wanna have fun!" If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! But you don't HAVE to do any of that. I'm very happy to get a daily visit from you, so just keep coming back. Oh, and I also recommend hitting the "Subscribe" button at the top of th

This song reminds me of two things: Cyndi Lauper and the day I moved into my first apartment. I was in university when I moved out on my own. It was a big deal because I had a lot of familial responsibilities, including cooking and cleaning and childcare. But I was young and I wanted to have sex any time, day or night, and people didn't do that in their parents' houses back then (not if they had big families, certainly!), so the prospect of sex compelled me to seek out new accommodations. My first apartment was tiny. Everyone says that, I know, and I remember my Russian landlord telling me, "When I was in university, 6 of us shared a flat this big! We slept side by side on the floor!" Well, I didn't have to sleep on the floor, thankfully. The married man I was involved with drove me to Ikea, where I bought a futon mattress (which I still have, stuffed into the back of a closet) and frame (which I'm still using as a bed frame). Aside from that futon, wh

A couple days ago, The Specials tweeted that it was the 40th anniversary of their release of this song. I learned from Lana Gay on Indie88 , that The Specials' version is actually a cover. Who knew? Maybe you. Maybe not. Here is the 40-year-old version (heh): And the original, from 1967: If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! But you don't HAVE to do any of that. I'm very happy to get a daily visit from you, so just keep coming back. Oh, and I also recommend hitting the "Subscribe" button at the top of the page so you won't miss a song! See you tomorrow! Giselle

Okay, so it's not Saturday when you're reading this, but it IS Saturday when I'm writing this. Saturday night. And I ain't got nobody. So far, I've spent my evening chatting with the cashier at Shopper's Drug Mart and then being crawled on by cats while eating an entire box of President's Choice macaroni and cheese (I love how poufy the macaroni gets--so much better than Kraft!). If the week goes well, this should be my last Saturday night alone. Fingers crossed. Here's hoping. Life makes no guarantees. My partner and I have plans for big changes. It's just hard to believe I'm worthy of... love, I guess. Companionship. Commitment. All the things "normal" people grow up wanting and expecting. Wow, we're going in deep tonight. I'm sure I've mentioned this many times before, but I used to love being alone. I wanted to be alone all the time. If I spent more than 3 hours with another person, I'd start to get antsy

In my Depression Handbook for Writers, I've got a section called "Getting out of Your Comfort Zone" and I'm pretty sure the first paragraph just says: Nooooooooo! Because that's how I feel about getting out of my comfort zone. The older I get, the more anxieties I experience. But, at the same time, I know it needs to be done.  Especially when I'm becoming dangerously isolated. My best friend told me to look for a meditation group and go. I didn't look.  That did not sound like a thing I would ever do. The only place I go is the library. I am comfortable at the library. Well, one day at the library I spotted a poster for a meditation class. At the library. And it was free. Okay, clearly this was meant to be.  I really had no reason not to go. It wasn't that far out of my comfort zone--it was at the library, for starters. So I went, and you know what? I didn't even feel anxious about it. I had a few worries: what if we had to talk about wh

I heard some bagpipe music the other day and instantly thought of Bedknobs and Broomsticks--I'm pretty sure there are bagpipes in the battle scene. I used to watch library copies of this movie (on VHS) on repeat, and still the only scenes I remember are the one where the suits of armour come to life, and this one. Even as a child, I loved witchy stuff and Angela Lansbury. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! But you don't HAVE to do any of that. I'm very happy to get a daily visit from you, so just keep coming back. Oh, and I also recommend hitting the "Subscribe" button at the top of the page

Yesterday I mentioned that MST3K plays a huge role in battling depression, for me. Actually, "battling" isn't the right word. I don't battle it. It's part of my life. I'm not sure I'm even "coping" with it. "Living" with it is more my style. We've been living together for nearly 20 years. In that time, I've learned there are certain things I can do to make it through the day. Watching reruns of Wipeout is on that list. Because watching people fall down is funny.  And hearing people make fun of people who fall is also very funny. This show lifts my mood tremendously. The other day I watched one of the Blind Date episodes, where contestants had to run a disco-themed course. Because things were being thrown at contestants' heads, one of the commentators said, "Disco--DUCK!" And this 70s classic has been stuck between my ears ever since. (I loved it, as a kid--what kid wouldn't?) If you're wondering

I think I've mentioned before that I watch a lot of Mystery Science Theater 3000 to offset my chronic depression. Lately, I've been hooked on The Skydivers , which begins with a short film about industrial arts . During this short, the narrator says "tool operators" and Mike & the bots immediately start singing "Tool Operators" to the tune of this song. Tool Operators.  Toooool Operato-ors... If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! But you don't HAVE to do any of that. I'm very happy to get a daily visit from you, so just keep coming back. Oh, and I also recommend hitting the &q

My partner wrote me the tenderest email today. It touched my heart and I want to share this story with you. I've known my partner for more than twenty years, but our first "date" in this new phase of our relationship took place earlier this year. He took me to THE LIBRARY! That's not the name of some cool club the kids are frequenting. We are not kids. We are library people. So he took me to hear an Australian Aboriginal elder discuss social and environment issues. I had cookies in my purse, and (before the talk started) he kept reaching into it for snacks. I felt a bit like Mommy, but I really appreciated the intimacy. My former girlfriend would snarl at me if I went anywhere near her purse. I really liked that my new person felt so comfortable with me that he would dig right in there for treats. After the talk, we went to grab a coffee. Well, I grabbed a table, he grabbed a coffee. There was a homeless guy sitting at the next table and, while I waited fo

The other day, I was so depressed I slept all morning and spent the entire afternoon watching astrological tarot readings on YouTube. One of the tarot readers said something directed primarily at those of us experiencing depression: she said it's useful to wake up every morning and remind yourself that it's a new day. Today doesn't have to be like yesterday. At the time, it sounded overly simplistic, but this morning I woke up with this song in my head and everything clicked into place. I was like oh... she was right... I don't have to believe I'm a useless human just because I believed that yesterday. I can get out of bed, I can get some work done, and I can feel good about myself. It's a new day. This song is even more cloying than I remember it, but I've got a sister who is ten years younger than me, and she had some kind of tape of Sailor Moon songs? I don't know if they were songs from the dubbed TV show we watched or what, but we listened to

I go for a lot of night walks, and I particularly love walking in the rain, so the other night (when it was raining), I walked around this city until I felt like my legs were about to fall off. I had this song in my head the whole time. Don't know when I last heard it, but it was part of the soundtrack of my childhood. My best friend challenged me on my rainy night walk. She asked me, "Do you think you walk until you're in pain as a form of self-harm?" My instinct was YUP, even though I'd never considered this as a possibility. Walking is good for you. I spend way too much time indoors and I need to get out and expend some energy. Plus, I hadn't slept at all the night before and I really wanted to tire myself out so I could sleep. But I do recall a thought popping into my head as I walked past other night walkers in the dark: "Maybe something terrible will happen to me." And it wasn't a feeling of apprehension that accompanied that thought--i

The William Shatner cover of this song just came on the radio and I was like... why, why, WHY are you torturing me like this, radio? Why? I'm not going to play the William Shatner version for you beautiful humans. Here's the original. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help me hugely! But you don't HAVE to do any of that. I'm very happy to get a daily visit from you, so just keep coming back. Oh, and I also recommend hitting the "Subscribe" button at the top of the page so you won't miss a song! See you tomorrow! Giselle

The music video for The Cranberries' "Linger" that we watched yesterday immediately brought to mind the opening credits from the later seasons of The Kids in the Hall . The theme song is called Having an Average Weekend and it's by Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet, and I didn't even have to look up that trivia. Why? Because I am just that in touch with my late 80s/early 90s self. No, it's because I've been watching Kids in the Hall DVDs over the past couple years. I loved the show as a youth and, watching it now, I'm blown away by the unapologetically queer content. As an unapologetic queer, it must have shaped my view of my own identity in ways I didn't even realize. Because it's not like queer representation was coming at you hot and fast during that period. The thing that blows me away even more is that all the kids I knew loved this show. We used to act out the skits during talent contests in middle school--no joke! And nobody ever ma

Yesterday I mentioned a mix tape I made for someone else. Today I'm thinking about a mix tape someone else made me. Cleaning out my mother's hoarder basement, I came across a tape a friend of mine made me in the early 90s. It was primarily Cranberries music. No, scratch that. It was completely Cranberries music. Scratch that--it was just a Cranberries tape that he'd re-taped onto a blank cassette. As far as mix tapes go, it wasn't the best I've ever received--not that there's been stiff competition. I only ever received two, as far as I can remember. Not that I don't like The Cranberries! Only, if you're going to make a mix tape, you need to mix it up a little. RIP Dolores O'Riordan If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction

Yesterday we listened to Dido's Lament. Today we'll listen to Dido. It's interesting, being in a romantic relationship with someone I've known all my adult life. In the car one time, my partner pulled out a mix tape I made him twenty years ago. Okay, a mix CD.  I couldn't believe he still had it.  It was mostly Jewel, but this Dido track made an appearance. When I laughed, he said, "What? I like this music. Don't you?" I was like... I don't know.  It reminds me of being young.  I don't know whether I like it, or I just like feeling young again. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. Readers of adult fiction can also buy my books or check them out from your local library. Supporting my  AudioErotica  endeavour on  Patreon  would also help m

I didn't set out to feature opera stars two days in a row, but after scheduling yesterday's Pavarotti post I found out Jessye Norman had died, so today we appreciate her astounding vocal talents. Last February, I remember coming home from a Mozart opera with a copy of The Whole Note in my bag. Their cover article featured Jessye Norman. I read it in the dark, in the cold, waiting for the bus to take me home. This is Jessye Norman singing Henry Purcell's gorgeous "When I Am Laid In Earth," also known as "Dido's Lament." When I am laid, am laid in earth, May my wrongs create No trouble, no trouble in thy breast; Remember me, remember me, but ah! forget my fate. Remember me, but ah! forget my fate. If you're wondering how you can support me in bringing you songs and visits every day, the easiest thing you can do is tell your friends about the site. Tell anyone you know--particularly people who are isolated and enjoy music. R

After listening to Tears of a Clown yesterday, how could we not play this well-known aria (is it an aria?) from Pagliacci? Pagliacci is, after all, referenced in Tears of a Clown. The two songs have a lot in common--the theme of putting on a face to perform in public after suffering a heartbreak. I'll tell you outright: I feel out of my depth talking about opera. This, despite being a person with an honest-to-god opera subscription. For real. I go to the opera all the time. I love opera. There are a few opera I feel like I can talk about with confidence, but the snobbism that exists in this realm really keeps me from wanting to say anything at all. Even though Pagliacci is a really famous opera, I've never seen it and I know next to nothing about it. Before looking it up, I had no idea the opera was written by Ruggero Leoncavallo. I don't even know who that is. It's an Italian opera from the late 1800s. After watching this Pavarotti clip, boy, do I want to see it.

I remember this song clearly from my childhood, but I'd never listened to the lyrics until recently. That's true of most of the soundtrack of my childhood. "If I appear to be carefree, it's only to camouflage my sadness." As a chronically depressed person, I feel this sentiment hard. I don't pretend to be not-sad on the internet. I'm pretty open about my depression, even when I'm being self-effacing and trying to sell books. It's a different story with my family. Mental illness is strongly stigmatized, despite the fact that many of my family members are struggling with everything from depression and anxiety to schizophrenia. It's still something you're shamed for. So, with my family, I smile and pretend everything's okay even when it's not. It hurts and it's hard and I hope nobody reading these words is in this same position, because it honestly sucks to pretend. If you're wondering how you can support me in bri

This song always takes me back to dog-sitting for my aunt 20 years ago. Feels like just yesterday--how have decades gone by? I spent my days listening to her CD collection, which included an Annie Lenox album, which included a cover of this track. The Temptations' version is infinitely better. This song really spoke to me in the summer of 1999, when I was entering my final year of high school. Here in Ontario, high school lasted FIVE years back in those days. Amazing to think kids in high school now weren't even born yet when this was the case. A couple years ago, I was talking to a young teacher about high school back in my day, and I felt like somebody's grandmother. Everything was different by the time she was in school. I didn't have to pass a standardized test to get my diploma. I didn't have to put in 40 hours of community service. Those things were implemented after my day. My day, however, is intimately documented in my book LIKE IT'S 1999: Dia